Saturday, September 30, 2006

The Land Of The Lost

Some nicknames I use for Bob:

Count Drunkula
The Sleestack
Mr. Spacely
All-Nite Bob
Bob Zombie
Coma Boy
The Moron
Bob, Space Cadet

I usually describe Bob to others as a waste of oxygen or a 'Walking Vegetable'. Most people will ask, "what's a walking vegetable?" Well, a vegetable when refering to a person, is someone who is clinically brain dead. They may still be breathing or kept alive by machines but their brain is no longer functioning. They are basically dead but still breathing, unable to move. Bob's brain has stopped functioning but he is still mobile. I believe this may be the first known example of a 'Walking Vegetable'. Perhaps science should take notice.


Today Bob sat on his ass all day in his room. He went out for coffee once. When Bob goes out for coffee, it means he doesn't have enough money for beer. I guess he'll make due with the cheap looking vodka that comes in the big plastic bottle. His sister will probably give him more money soon to buy more 30 packs.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Drunk Wrestling Match

I have to get up early tomorrow. I hope Bob doesn't crash into the floor too many times tonight, I really need some sleep.

Ignore It, It'll Go Away

Today Bob sat on his ass all day in his room. Our monthly shut-off notice from the gas co. came today. I put it on the pile.

Photographic Proof Of Hell

Here is Bob's room taken about 4 months ago. I complained to our landlord for several months about it until she finally came in and made him clean it up.

As you can see, Bob never throws anything away...that would require physical exertion on his part. Cans, bottles, food, whatever is set down and there it stays. Most of our house would look like this if I wasn't picking up after him. The chair is where Bob sits on his ass all day and night. His computer is left on as it always is. All the cans on the floor are half full with rotted beer. There is rotting food spilled everywhere and whole, uneaten pork chops on the floor.

As you can see, Bob is on his 3rd computer tower........Yes, there's 1 more on the bottom. Each tower now serves as a stand for the new one. There's a couple more monitors in there too...somewhere. The big, ugly lamp is sitting on a long banquet table....the table hasn't seen the light for a few years.

After all this garbage was removed, there was an inch thick layer of crust on the floor all around his chair.........Oh, and most of the garbage was put behind our house in bags as Bob can't be troubled to walk it to the street for pick-up, so there it remains to this day. Believe it or not, there is a cushion in there somewhere against the wall that he sleeps on.

Dullest Knife in The Drawer

Bob seems to be awake (sort of) during the day lately. Probably because his unemployment checks are no longer coming in and he can't beg for money from his family in the middle of the night. He's still not doing anything except sitting on his ass in his room.

Bob hasn't spoken to me in over a year now. That's not unusual I haven't heard him say more than 2 complete sentences in the 4 1/2 years we've been living together. He talks to his family and has a couple people he talks to on the phone once in a while, but otherwise he doesn't talk to anybody. He seems to be in his own little dream world.

Our landlord lives right next door to us so she will be coming over reguarly for Bob's past rent I'm sure. She's very tight with money. Our next month's rent is due in a couple days. Thankfully, we both always pay seperately. Bob is still spaced out, sitting on his ass, not looking for a job. Eventually, he will either have to leave or will keep sitting here until he's evicted. Then I'll be stuck having to pay the full rent until I can find another roommate or I'll have to move also. I dread having to move again.

No Brain = No Worries

Back to our utilities, we have a gas bill for the stove and water heater, electric bill and 2 phone lines. The gas and both phone lines are in Bob's name, the electric is in my name. We originally split everything in half.......that was until Bob turned into a total zombie.

For the past 2 years, Bob no longer acknowledges utility bills. I now just pay the electric each month. The phone and gas bills are stacked up on the mail table in our hallway, all unopened. Once in a while I'll open one. We have been getting a shut-off notice each month, for the past 12 months, from the gas co. They never shut if off though. The bill is now at approx. $1,000.00.

The phone bills sit unopened along with the gas bills. Our phone has been shut off 4 times, each time Bob runs out and pays the minimum amount to turn it back on. Bob likes to sit on his ass in front of his computer all day reading and spacing out, so this he's willing to pay for.

Bob's computer is on 24 hrs a day/7 days a week/365 days a year, he never turns it off....He uses an electric blanket in the winter. This is also left on 24/7. When Bob was working, I had to go into his room each morning to shut everything off. Our oven is usually on for about 4-5 hours each day to cook Bob's dinner. About half the time, he forgets to turn it off so it's left on all night. Our monthly gas bill is usually between $70 - $80 /month. A normal gas bill would be $30 - $40 monthly, but then Bob isn't normal.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Lifestyles of The Mentally ILL Part 2

Bob buys cheap beer in 30 packs. He drinks around 15-20 beers a day. This is supplemented with some sort of cheap looking vodka that comes in a big plastic bottle. He urinates about 40-50 times a day. Sometimes he manages to pee into the toilet, sometimes he doesn't. The only bathroom is right off my bedroom. The toilet flushes about every 15 minutes while I'm sleeping at night. As I write this, Bob is hard at work drinking, peeing and sitting on his ass.

It takes Bob at least an hour to take a shower. He stays in the shower until all the hot water runs out which takes about 25 minutes. Then he stays in the bathroom for another 40 minutes in total silence. All the moisture caused the paint to peel off and the walls were covered with mold. I had to repaint the whole room while Bob was busy sitting on his ass.

Lifestyles of The Mentally ILL

Bob's only activity outside of his room is cooking. He has his own unique way of cooking, I call it caveman style. He's never been able to grasp the concept of HI-MED-LOW on the stove dials. With him it's HI-OFF only. He likes to pan fry stuff. He frys hamburgers in oil on high heat. The hamburger when he's done is completely charred and the grease is splattered over everything within a 10ft. radius of the stove. And of course he never cleans it up. He sometimes spends hours cooking enormous amounts of food. When he's done it's all left on the counter until I throw it away a few days later.

His main food is pork chops. It takes him 4 hours to cook 1 pork chop. He turns the oven on 2 or 3 hours before he plans to use it. He cooks 1 pork chop at 400 for at least 2 hours. It is completely dried out and black. Sometimes he spaces out or falls asleep while cooking stuff. He always leaves a trail of spilled food from the kitchen, upstairs to his room.

Today I came home to an entire jar of pickled peppers spilled on the floor, I cleaned it up as Bob was too busy sitting on his ass. Last night the landlord came by again for Bob's past rent. Bob said he was starting a new job today and would have the money next week. "That's great news Bob, congratulations!" she said.

Bob spent today sitting on his ass, no job. He has another big evening planned tonight......Drinking beer, urinating and sitting on his ass.

My Sentence To Hell

Okay, here's the story thus far....This is the condensed version of my story up until the present day just to start off with. I've been living with Bob for about 4 1/2 years now. We had both previously been renting apartments in a triple decker house. Our apartment house was forclosed on and we both had to move. I found a house for rent not too far away but couldn't afford the rent on my own. For lack of anyone else, I asked Bob if he'd like to share it (mistake #1).....Now, I only knew Bob from seeing him in the hallway and such but he seemed like a quiet, easygoing person. I knew he was very slovenly, a bit spacey and an alcoholic, but I thought I could deal with that (mistake#2). I had to move in a hurry and with my 3 pets (2 cats, 1 dog) finding a place to rent isn't that easy.

So for the first couple of years things weren't too bad. Bob went to work during the day and would go to bed before 12:00 pm. He never cleaned anything in the house or did any of the yard work, he just sat in his room playing on his computer and drinking. I dealed with it..................................

So, fast forward to September 2004 and the nightmare begins. Bob goes completely looney, why I don't know. All of a sudden, Bob no longer sleeps. I'm being woken up at 3am with music blaring (our bedrooms are right next to each other), Bob is staggering around the house all night intoxicated. I'm finding him sleeping on the toilet at 5am. This goes on continuously, every night. He is still going to work each morning on 2 or 3 hours sleep. He starts napping after work at 6pm, waking up at 9 to start drinking 'til dawn. This continues 'til Feb. 2006 when Bob finally gets fired from his job of 10 years. His room at this point is filled, floor to ceiling, with rotting garbage, liquor bottles and beer cans ( I'll post pics of this later, not for the squeamish!)...........Now the real fun begins.........

From March 2006 til Aug. Bob collects unemployment. He now converts to a strict vampire routine. Goes to bed at sunrise, sleeps til sunset, drinks all night. His family supplements his meager unemployment checks so he can stay stocked up with booze and food this whole time. At this point, Bob is no longer doing anything but sitting in his room 24 hrs a day, only going out to get booze and food. He stopped paying the utility bills over a year ago. Our phone was shut off 4 times..........

Now for the present time. Bob never paid his rent last month. He is still staying in his room all day doing nothing. His unemployment ran out a month ago. His family is still keeping him stocked with liquor and food. Our gas service has been scheduled for shut-off for over a year now but they never shut it off. Our phone should be shut off again next week.

Stay tuned for more in depth stories of my roommate, the walking vegetable.. aka Count Drunkula.

Welcome To My Nightmare

This is the journal of my daily life sharing a house with the most moronic, disgusting, laziest person on earth. I will just refer to him here as 'Bob'. Come share in my nightmare.