Saturday, March 31, 2007

Better Living Through Alcohol

Today the brainless scumbag slept all day until 5:30pm. Sleeping all day helps Bob avoid any unpleasant brushes with reality. His first order of business after waking up was going to the store and getting another 30 pack of 'Extra Gold'. That will be the extent of his physical activity for the day. The rest of his night is now wide open for drinking beer, peeing and sitting on his ass among the piles of rotting filth in his room. He'll be sitting in his chair drinking until the sun comes up tomorrow morning.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

I've Fallen......And I Can't Get Up

So I found out the insurance company is seeking $8,200.00 from the living corpse for damages from his car accident. I wish them luck in collecting it. I'm expecting the process server should be coming by sometime with the lawsuit papers. He also gets regular letters from 4 or 5 different collection agencies. He defaulted on a bank loan for $5,000 years ago. They had attached his pay at his last job. I don't think they ever recovered the whole amount. I figure he owes over 15k with all his debts. He only takes home about 3-400/week from his pity job. Bob doesn't worry about anything though. Bob's only concern is being able to get drunk and sit on his ass for another night.

I miraculously managed to fall asleep early last night even with the drunken, brainless zombie stumbling around in the next room all night. I have to get up early every day now in the summer to make money. I'm going to start sleeping in the back of my truck now that it's warmer outside. I have no other options. Thanks asshole.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Dead From The Neck Up

Today the walking vegetable went to court. I don't know how it went today. Or maybe he just ignored it and didn't go, I don't know. He came back home tonight in his uninsured heap of a car. He only has a 12 pack for tonight, life is hard sometimes for the mentally challenged.

We've been getting lots of letters from the gas co. lately. I think the bill is over $1,400.00 now. Bob never opens them and I don't either. I found they can't shut your gas off in the winter until mid-April. So I suspect our gas will be shut off in a couple weeks. With this gas co. though, who knows. Bob hasn't opened a bill or made a payment in over 2 years. No gas means no more hot water, no showers.

The moron's room is looking swell. He's starting on a 3rd tier stack of cans around his chair. Throwing them out or returning them is a lot of work. There's just barely enough floor left for his feet. He needs to just sit and rest for a while with a cold one, he's got another long night ahead.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

What a Difference a Brain Makes

For most people springtime means flowers blooming, trees budding, grass turning green...not here though. Here the warm weather brings fruit flies... lots of them, like biblical proportions. They multiply in huge numbers during the summer from all the rotting beer in Bob's room. They're like floating black clouds. Bob doesn't mind them though, he just sits there in the clouds.

Eventually the clouds of flies will migrate down to the kitchen trashcan and spread through the house so I'll get to enjoy them too. I noticed a few in my room today.

Last night the brainless wonder stayed overnight somewhere. I think he goes to his sister's house or his friend who gave him the pity job. He came back around noon today and sat on his ass in his room the whole day. He seemed to be conscious though as I saw him moving around a couple times. He started pounding the remainders of his 30 pack a few hours ago.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

More Beer, Less Brain

So last night I get woken up at 3am when the brainless scumbag has one of his 20 minute sneezing fits. I laid awake for another hour hearing him knocking cans on the floor. At 4am I knocked on his door, "Oh Bob, mind if I get some sleep?". Bob is just sitting in his chair smiling, totally bombed, smoking a Pall Mall. I get his usual look of amazement as he squints and checks the time on his computer. He's supposed to be at work at 10am.

There's really nothing that can be done. I've blown up at him in the middle of the night more times than I can count. I've screamed at him, threatened to bash his f*cking empty head open, threatened to call the cops, even tried asking nicely for some sanity...nothing gets through. His destiny is living under a bridge somewhere with his belongings in a shopping cart.

So this morning the scumbag gets up at 9:50am and runs out the door without showering. He hasn't bathed in 3 days. He'll sleep for a few hours when he gets off work, then it'll be another night of the living dead.

Walking On Sunshine

Tuesday, Bob left for work at 10:30am for his job that starts at 10. He came home at 7:30 and either slept or spaced out in his hole for 3 hours. At 10:30pm he started working on his 20 or so beers he needs to drink before daybreak. He's hard at work drinking and peeing at 15 minute intervals here as I go to bed, like most sane people do.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

70,000 Beer Cans Found in Ogden Townhouse

Just came across this story. Look familiar? Compare story with Bob's room shown at bottom. 70,000 Beer Cans Found in Ogden Townhouse

May 17th, 2006 @ 9:38pm

John Hollenhorst reporting

A seemingly unbelievable mess discovered last year in an Ogden townhouse has suddenly become an Internet legend.

It's all TRUE!

You know how some people, after they use something, just can't bear to throw it away. That might make sense if it's magazines or clothes. But what if it's empty beer cans? In astounding numbers?

When property manager Ryan Froerer got a call from a realtor last year to check on a townhouse, he knew something was up.

Ryan Froerer, Century 21: "Said it was the sickest thing he's ever seen. Just unimaginable that someone could live in that."

Read the whole story

Now here's a photo of Bob's room. One difference here is we have a 5 cent deposit on cans, Utah doesn't. Bob sometimes has to return the cans when he runs out of money to buy more beer. I think these two wack-jobs should hook up and become buddies.

Monday, March 19, 2007

More Lifestyles Of The Mentally Ill

Bob spent last night with no alcohol. I don't think he slept at all, I can still hear him up all night. At least there wasn't any drunken body slams. He was up showering very early today. He almost managed to get to work on time....

It snowed here on Friday into Saturday. We got about 6 inches, not bad. The Space Cadet didn't drive his car all weekend. It took him about 45 minutes to get his car out of the snow on the street here. His method of freeing his car from the snow is pouring buckets of water around the tires...uh, that don't work. Shoveling would require too much effort for him.

Bob came home from work with a fresh 30 pack of Extra Gold so all is well. He's got a lot of work to do tonight.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Good Morning Starshine

The earth says hello. Today the Space Cadet slept all day until 5pm. He only has 1 beer left for tonight. Yes, only 1. He never left the house today. He's been sitting on his ass all evening and I suspect he will continue sitting on his ass long into the night staring at his computer amid the piles of rotting filth in his room.

Exhibiting Bob As A Sideshow Freak

As you may know I have a fascination with old time sideshow freaks. I have been pondering the idea of exhibiting Bob somewhere as a walking vegetable/ brainless man/ living zombie/ laziest man on earth type thing. He could be placed in a room somewhere for viewing, it could be roped off or have a glass enclosure if the smell got too bad. It could be like a small studio apartment. People could observe him in his normal daily routine. As long as he has his chair, computer, beer and food, he would never leave the room. I'm sure Bob would go along with this if he knew he could make money at it and never have to go anywhere.

I know there are legal issues involved nowadays about exploitation and all. Since Bob will be living like this anyway for the rest of his life, why not make some money off it? He could just sit in the chair and have people walk by and stare at him. There must be some states or maybe other countries where this could still be done legally. If any promoters out there can assist me please let me know.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Lifestyles Of The Mentally Ill

Today Bob slept all day until 5pm. He took a shower then walked to the corner deli to buy a 6 pack. He only has 14 beers left from last night's 30 pack. I guess he's going to make due with only 20 beers for tonight and tomorrow night. You can't buy alcohol here on Sunday. Maybe he's got some of that cheap looking vodka that comes in a big plastic bottle to supplement his beer.

The Space Cadet has to appear in Bridgeport Superior Court on March 27th at 9:30am. He'll probably drive his uninsured car to court to answer the 'no insurance' charge.

Ingrown Nose Hair

I presently have an ingrown hair in my nose. This is the 3rd time in my life that it's happened. It started to hurt over a week ago. My left nostril swelled up on Wednesday. This is my worst experience yet, it's extremely painful. My whole face hurts. I can't go anywhere cause I look like a freak. I tried to dig it out last night with a pin without any luck, all I got was blood. I tried soaking it with a hot compress but that didn't do anything. I'm going to give it a couple more days to see if it comes out, if not I'll have to go to the doctor. I don't know if the doctor can do anything about it or not. I don't like doctors.

**Update Sunday evening** I soaked my nose in hot water last night for like an hour. I blew my nose afterwards and a loose nose hair came out with it. There wasn't any pus so I wasn't sure if that was the evil hair or not. So anyway, the next day my nose felt a little better but was still swollen. By the evening I had a nice whitecap pimple on the outside of my nose. I popped it and squeezed out tons of pus. My nose feels much better now. Usually the ingrown hair comes out through the outside of the nose when you pop it, so I think the evil hair came out from the inside last night. What a relief.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Earth Calling Bob...over

So today around noon the police finally show up looking for Bob. I had to show them my driver's license to prove I wasn't Bob. They have a summons to give Bob for driving without insurance stemming from his accident of a few weeks ago. It was the Fairfield police, I guess the accident happened just over the town line in Fairfield so they're handling the case. I gave them the address where the Space Cadet works. They said they'll either go to his work or come back here later tonight. I don't think the Space Cadet will be driving his uninsured rust bucket for a while.

**Update** Wednesday 3/14 11am: The police never came back here last night and the Space Cadet drove his uninsured rust bucket to work this morning as usual. I guess reality will have to wait. The wheels turn very slowly in hell. If you're driving, be careful. The Space Cadet is driving around uninsured on 4 hours sleep, probably still half drunk from the night before. He has an early 1980s type white Chevy Chevette. The front end is smashed in and you can here him coming from a mile away as it has no exhaust system.

***Final Update*** So the police finally came back at 10am today, Thursday 3/15. Bob was still sleeping even though he's supposed to be at work at 10. I woke Bob up, "Oh Bob, someone's here for you". He comes down the stairs 10 minutes later and sees a cop standing there. The look on the Space Cadet's face was priceless. So the cop gave him a court summons for not having insurance. The kicker is, they didn't tow or even boot his car so he still drove it to work after the cop left. So my fellow Bridgeporters be wary, the Space Case is still driving around in his uninsured Chevy Chevette rust bucket.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Star Trek -Spaced Out- The Voyage To Hell

So Sunday night was another peaceful night here with the mentally ill scumbag from hell. Sunday he slept all day until 5pm, he spent an hour in the bathroom then he sat on his ass and spaced out until it was time to start pounding beers. He was up until 4am stumbling around intoxicated. I got woken up at 3am when he did a body slam into the pile of cans and trash in his room. He left for work at 10:15 this morning, he's supposed to be at work at 10. Good thing his friend is the boss.

Here's the view from the captain's chair on the bridge of the Starship Moron. It's mission is to space out, get drunk, voyage nowhere and seek out nothing. This is where the Space Cadet sits on his ass all night drinking and spacing out. Oh, he does get up sometimes to pee and get more beer from the fridge downstairs. Sometimes he manages to walk down the stairs without falling and sometimes he manages to pee into the toilet.

View to the left. Most of the stuff is stuck to the floor.

View behind the captain's chair. Getting to and from the chair is a tricky maneuver when you're plastered at 4am. It takes the Space Cadet about 10 minutes to get from the chair to the door late at night as this involves tripping and falling down on the trash piles several times during the journey. Too bad Spock can't be there to hold him up. Careful, those cans on the floor are half full and what's inside them don't smell too good.

View to the right of the captain's chair. Cigarette anyone? Just toss them on the floor when you're done. This is also one of the food storage piles. Why throw it out when the mold and flies will eat it for you?

Sunday, March 11, 2007

The Man Living With No Brain

Today Bob slept until 3pm. He spent an hour in the bathroom, then sat on his ass until 6. He went out somewhere and came home at 11pm with his 30 pack of 'Extra Gold' brain tonic. It's now 1am here and as they're chilled properly, he's just started his drinking and peeing routine at 15 minute intervals. It's going to be a really long night for the man with no brain. I expect the drunken WWF moves will begin around 4 or 5 this morning.

Living In Outer Space

I recently learned more about the space cadet's car accident of a few weeks ago. Apparently he turned in front of someone who had the right of way. The other car hit Bob's rust bucket, then went into a tree. I guess the damage to the other car was extensive, it had to be towed. I saw the tree there has a big chunk taken out of it. Bob was ticketed for an improper turn.

The space cadet gave the police and the other driver his insurance card...he failed to inform them that the policy was cancelled in June '06 for non-payment. I guess the police don't check into the insurance status as Bob is still driving the uninsured car daily. This happened 3 weeks ago. A couple letters have come from the insurance companies but otherwise no action has been taken.

I thought it was a crime to drive uninsured in CT but the cops don't seem to be concerned. Bob is just ignoring it like everything else. He hasn't opened any of the insurance letters, they're on the stack now with the unopened utility bills and collection notices. I guess the other driver will have to collect from his own insurance company or try to sue Bob. When you ignore things, they sometimes just go away.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Cooking With The Mentally Ill

Bob's mental illness is in full swing. Sunday night the space cadet stayed up all night drinking until dawn. He didn't go to work on Monday, he slept all day until 6pm, then went out for more beer.

Today the space cadet started boiling a pork roast at 6pm, it's now past 11pm and it's still boiling away. It's like a 2 pound piece of meat. It was cooked through about 4 hours ago. When the water boils off, he just adds more and keeps boiling. The whole house is steamed up and everything stinks like meat. I'll have to re-wash all my clothes tomorrow.

Nothing Ever Changes In Hell

It's hot and nothing ever changes.

Monday, March 05, 2007

The Poster Boy For Mental Illness

It was another relaxing weekend for me and the poster boy for mental illness. Saturday night is Bob's big night. Well, every night is big but Saturday is an especially big night for Mr. Spacely. I was woken up about 3 or 4 times when the beer baron started doing his hourly body slams against the floors and walls in the wee hours of the morning. It takes him about 10 minutes to rise from his chair, wade through the trash in his room to the door and eventually stagger into the bathroom.

Sunday he slept until 3pm, then sat on his ass spaced out the rest of the evening. At 11pm he started working on the 15 or so beers he has left. He's peeing and cracking open cans at 15 minute intervals right now. The body slams will begin around 2 or 3 this morning. He goes to work at nine.
Here's a government help site for nut-jobs: