Thursday, October 26, 2006

The Wagon Left Long Ago

Now Bob is working the evening shift at his friends plastic business. The hours are perfect for Coma Boy....4pm-12am. He can come home after midnight, stay up drinking and urinating all night, then sleep all day. Bob must be in heaven! I've considered sleeping outside in my car but it's getting cold here now.

Our landlord called me today asking about Bob. He hasn't paid anything since I last reported. He's been working for 2 weeks now plus he raked in $600.00 by begging for money on his blog. She's never gonna throw him out so I really don't care if she gets paid or not anymore.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Lost In Space

Saturday Bob slept til 3pm. He spaced out in the bathroom til 4 then went out for a 30 pack. That was the extent of his physical activity for the day. Last night was another long night of drinking, peeing and ass sitting for Bob. Our elderly neighbor is mowing his lawn today so Bob must be having a tough time sleeping today...or maybe he doesn't notice the noise.

Friday, October 20, 2006

The Toilet Serenade

It's now past midnight here. Coma Boy is halfway into his night's beer supply. I shall now go to sleep to the serenade of toilet flushing and the smell of stale urine wafting into my room.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Internet Panhandling For Dummies

Coma Boy has apparently raked in some serious bucks begging for money on his blog. He's paid the landlord a couple hundred towards his back rent...she's not throwing him out now. He is like a cancer growth that can't be removed. Most of the donations will be used to support Coma Boy's alcohol addiction and continued downward spiral into mental illness. My sincere thanks to all you dumbass losers who donated. This guy needs more alcohol, so please consider giving more.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Lifestyles Of The Mentally ILL Part 3

Here's a pic of our stovetop. Anyone hungry? I haven't been able to use the stove for some time as that would involve spending an hour degreasing everything. Oh, and don't stand too close to the stove or your shirt will stick to it.

Here's an example of Bob's -flash & burn- cooking method. You need a chisel to clean it. This is everyday living here.

Pots and pans are cleaned on a 'as needed' basis....and of course there's no room left in the sink for them. If I leave any clean pots or dishes laying around , he'll use mine instead of cleaning his I no longer clean mine, what's the point?

No Sleep = No Money

Well, Coma Boy is now back to his old routine with his new "job". This is the same routine which caused him to be fired from his old job. He was up drinking beer all night last night. I heard him crash into the floor last night at 3:30am, he got up at 8am to go to work. He'll sleep for a few hours when he gets home, then it will be another long night of drinking and peeing. He must do great work on 4 hours of drunken sleep.

I've recently learned that Coma Boy has a blog somewhere. I guess this is what he does while sitting on his ass 24 hrs/day. He is now begging for money on his blog....internet panhandling, if you will....and yes, people are actually sending this scumbag money. He made up some sob story about how he can't find a job and needs money or he'll be homeless soon.....well, it's partially true I guess. You losers out there who read blogs really need to be cautious about who you're dealing with over the internet. For some people, the internet is their fantasy world....their reality can be appalling.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Tag Sale In Hell

Back to the subject of my landlord. She lives next door to us. Just like Bob, she has some motivation issues. She had a tag sale in her driveway in the spring of 2005. All the large furniture that didn't sell was left in her driveway and it's still sitting there as of today. It was a large antique victorian couch, an antique oak table sewing machine, a coffee table and a non-working lawn mower.

I'm a full time antiques dealer. I told her what prices to ask for her stuff before the sale. She thought I was too low of course. The couch was a real ornate one with a nice carved frame with birds, just needed new upholstery. It was worth $200-300 easily as-is, the sewing machine was worth $75-100, the coffee table was 70s junk. I told her to ask for less than those values at the tag sale if she really wants them to sell. She got many offers on the couch and sewing machine but turned them all down. After the sale they were left in the driveway, out in the elements to this day.

The couch is now totally collapsed, wood is all split and covered with mold, the oak top to the sewing machine eventually fell apart and someone took the base, I don't think she cared. Our neighbor has been complaining to the city about her trash pile for the last 6 months.

Our city has a blight law which took effect about a year ago and the city deemed both her houses as blighted. She's been getting letters and phone calls from the city all summer to remove all the trash and paint both her houses. She just ignores it all. Last Friday, she had a large notice from the city tacked to her front door, says she has 24 hours to remove all the trash or she will be fined $100/day. 4 days later, the trash is still there. Nothing ever changes here at hell house.

Cooking In Outer Space

Sunday night drunken zombie Bob cooked a big bacon and egg breakfast at 12am..... Monday morning I scraped the bacon grease off the floors and walls. I found large clumps of butter thrown all over the counter. My dog probably ate whatever fell on the floor.

Tonight Bob came home from work at 7pm with bags of food and a 30 pack. Maybe he'll pay the rent or utilities next week. He turned the oven on and went upstairs and spaced out. The oven had a baking dish half full of lard from his last meal still in there. After a half hour the house was filled with smoke again. I had to pound on his door til he came out and took the dish out. I opened the doors and windows while Bob went back to ass sitting with a couple cold ones. He's got a lot of beer to drink before daybreak.

Hire The Handicaped

Coma Boy now has a job....sort of. One of Bob's old friends from high school took pity on his lazy ass and gave him a temporary job at his small plastics business. This will keep him stocked up on 30 packs and food while he squats here at my house. He still is 2 months behind in the rent. Our landlord still hasn't taken any action. Bob just keeps telling her he'll "have some money next week", she keeps buying it.

I should probably refer to my landlord as a 'landlady' but I think that sounds dumb. Our landlord is a subject for another post. She's almost as much of a dysfunctional moron as Bob.....not quite in Bob's league though.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

What, Me Worry?

Today Bob sat on his ass all day doing nothing. He cried on the phone to one of his friends that he needs gas money to get to job interviews. His friend brought the money over...Bob went right out and bought a 12 pack and some food to burn later...I guess those interviews can wait! In Bob's world there's no worries.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

20 Million Miles From Earth

Today Bob returned enough of his old beer cans to buy a 12 pack. This is the most work he's done in 7 months. The remainder of his day was spent sitting on his ass. For dinner he cooked some sausages. He left them frying unattended while he spaced out in his room......half hour later the whole house was filled with smoke. Bob finally came down and threw the sausages in the trash. I opened the doors and turned on a fan while Bob went back to sitting on his ass. This is pretty much routine around here, nothing unusual.

I spoke with our landlord today. She wants to know if Bob is looking for a job, he's 2 months behind in the rent now. I told her he's still sitting on his ass in his room all day doing nothing. She says she's going to throw him out next week if he doesn't pay something. We shall see. Bob is still unconcerned about anything except being able to spend another day sitting on his ass.

Rust Never Sleeps

Bob used to drive an old rust-bucket Chevy Blazer for years that someone gave him (scary thought, I know...but yes he drives). It had no muffler, the exhaust pipe was rusted off at the engine. It took him 20 minutes to start it every morning, when he was working. He would crank it for several minutes til it fired, then he had to floor the gas for 20 minutes til the engine would stay running on it's own. If any of the neighbors wanted to sleep late that day, too bad. He drove it like this for years. You could hear him coming from a half mile away.

The radiator was leaking on it for a while. He would just carry antifreeze with him and refill it at every stop instead of fixing it. His car would have a stream of antifreeze coming out when it was parked here. This went on for a couple months until one of our neighbors complained about it. She was worried about her cat drinking it and croaking. He eventually fixed it.

When that car finally died, he just left it in the street here until the city towed it away. He now drives an old rust-bucket Chevette that someone gave him. It also has no muffler and I don't think he'll be buying one anytime soon.

New Lifestyles Of The Mentally ILL

Bob sat on his ass all evening in his room, didn't come out all night. He doesn't seem to be drinking. Even when he's sober he still sits on his ass spaced out. Bob did an estimated 15 hours of solid ass sitting in his chair today. He spent about 1 hour total of standing upright all day. His routine lately is going to bed around 4am and rising around noon to sit on his ass all day doing nothing. I know when he's still up because I hear his chair clunk once in a while. The light in his room is always on all night. Sometimes Bob has sneezing fits at 2 or 3 in the morning, probably from all the mold and dirt in his hovel. The sneezing fits last 10 or 15 minutes.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Ass Sitting

Today Bob sat on his ass all day in his room. He must not have any money cause there's still no beer in our fridge. I left my rent on the landlord's door today. I haven't talked to her for a few days. Bob cooked a frozen dinner in the oven, this took 3 hours, then it was back to more ass sitting.

Alcohol Builds Healthy Immune System

Bob has a stick of butter sitting on the counter. It's been sitting there for over a week now, the wrapper isn't even closed on it. He is still using it daily.

One thing I've noticed with heavy drinkers (I've known a few) is they never get sick. They never get colds, never get the flu, not even the sniffles. Does all the alcohol in their system kill the germs? I don't know.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Boiling Water In Hell

Today Bob left the house for a while to get money from his family. He did quite a bit of cooking today as there's no beer to drink. You can't buy beer here on Sunday. He cooked some pasta tonight, it took 2 hours....He spaced out in his room while the water boiled for 1 1/2 hours, then he added the pasta.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

The Land Of The Lost

Some nicknames I use for Bob:

Count Drunkula
The Sleestack
Mr. Spacely
All-Nite Bob
Bob Zombie
Coma Boy
The Moron
Bob, Space Cadet

I usually describe Bob to others as a waste of oxygen or a 'Walking Vegetable'. Most people will ask, "what's a walking vegetable?" Well, a vegetable when refering to a person, is someone who is clinically brain dead. They may still be breathing or kept alive by machines but their brain is no longer functioning. They are basically dead but still breathing, unable to move. Bob's brain has stopped functioning but he is still mobile. I believe this may be the first known example of a 'Walking Vegetable'. Perhaps science should take notice.


Today Bob sat on his ass all day in his room. He went out for coffee once. When Bob goes out for coffee, it means he doesn't have enough money for beer. I guess he'll make due with the cheap looking vodka that comes in the big plastic bottle. His sister will probably give him more money soon to buy more 30 packs.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Drunk Wrestling Match

I have to get up early tomorrow. I hope Bob doesn't crash into the floor too many times tonight, I really need some sleep.

Ignore It, It'll Go Away

Today Bob sat on his ass all day in his room. Our monthly shut-off notice from the gas co. came today. I put it on the pile.

Photographic Proof Of Hell

Here is Bob's room taken about 4 months ago. I complained to our landlord for several months about it until she finally came in and made him clean it up.

As you can see, Bob never throws anything away...that would require physical exertion on his part. Cans, bottles, food, whatever is set down and there it stays. Most of our house would look like this if I wasn't picking up after him. The chair is where Bob sits on his ass all day and night. His computer is left on as it always is. All the cans on the floor are half full with rotted beer. There is rotting food spilled everywhere and whole, uneaten pork chops on the floor.

As you can see, Bob is on his 3rd computer tower........Yes, there's 1 more on the bottom. Each tower now serves as a stand for the new one. There's a couple more monitors in there too...somewhere. The big, ugly lamp is sitting on a long banquet table....the table hasn't seen the light for a few years.

After all this garbage was removed, there was an inch thick layer of crust on the floor all around his chair.........Oh, and most of the garbage was put behind our house in bags as Bob can't be troubled to walk it to the street for pick-up, so there it remains to this day. Believe it or not, there is a cushion in there somewhere against the wall that he sleeps on.

Dullest Knife in The Drawer

Bob seems to be awake (sort of) during the day lately. Probably because his unemployment checks are no longer coming in and he can't beg for money from his family in the middle of the night. He's still not doing anything except sitting on his ass in his room.

Bob hasn't spoken to me in over a year now. That's not unusual I haven't heard him say more than 2 complete sentences in the 4 1/2 years we've been living together. He talks to his family and has a couple people he talks to on the phone once in a while, but otherwise he doesn't talk to anybody. He seems to be in his own little dream world.

Our landlord lives right next door to us so she will be coming over reguarly for Bob's past rent I'm sure. She's very tight with money. Our next month's rent is due in a couple days. Thankfully, we both always pay seperately. Bob is still spaced out, sitting on his ass, not looking for a job. Eventually, he will either have to leave or will keep sitting here until he's evicted. Then I'll be stuck having to pay the full rent until I can find another roommate or I'll have to move also. I dread having to move again.

No Brain = No Worries

Back to our utilities, we have a gas bill for the stove and water heater, electric bill and 2 phone lines. The gas and both phone lines are in Bob's name, the electric is in my name. We originally split everything in half.......that was until Bob turned into a total zombie.

For the past 2 years, Bob no longer acknowledges utility bills. I now just pay the electric each month. The phone and gas bills are stacked up on the mail table in our hallway, all unopened. Once in a while I'll open one. We have been getting a shut-off notice each month, for the past 12 months, from the gas co. They never shut if off though. The bill is now at approx. $1,000.00.

The phone bills sit unopened along with the gas bills. Our phone has been shut off 4 times, each time Bob runs out and pays the minimum amount to turn it back on. Bob likes to sit on his ass in front of his computer all day reading and spacing out, so this he's willing to pay for.

Bob's computer is on 24 hrs a day/7 days a week/365 days a year, he never turns it off....He uses an electric blanket in the winter. This is also left on 24/7. When Bob was working, I had to go into his room each morning to shut everything off. Our oven is usually on for about 4-5 hours each day to cook Bob's dinner. About half the time, he forgets to turn it off so it's left on all night. Our monthly gas bill is usually between $70 - $80 /month. A normal gas bill would be $30 - $40 monthly, but then Bob isn't normal.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Lifestyles of The Mentally ILL Part 2

Bob buys cheap beer in 30 packs. He drinks around 15-20 beers a day. This is supplemented with some sort of cheap looking vodka that comes in a big plastic bottle. He urinates about 40-50 times a day. Sometimes he manages to pee into the toilet, sometimes he doesn't. The only bathroom is right off my bedroom. The toilet flushes about every 15 minutes while I'm sleeping at night. As I write this, Bob is hard at work drinking, peeing and sitting on his ass.

It takes Bob at least an hour to take a shower. He stays in the shower until all the hot water runs out which takes about 25 minutes. Then he stays in the bathroom for another 40 minutes in total silence. All the moisture caused the paint to peel off and the walls were covered with mold. I had to repaint the whole room while Bob was busy sitting on his ass.

Lifestyles of The Mentally ILL

Bob's only activity outside of his room is cooking. He has his own unique way of cooking, I call it caveman style. He's never been able to grasp the concept of HI-MED-LOW on the stove dials. With him it's HI-OFF only. He likes to pan fry stuff. He frys hamburgers in oil on high heat. The hamburger when he's done is completely charred and the grease is splattered over everything within a 10ft. radius of the stove. And of course he never cleans it up. He sometimes spends hours cooking enormous amounts of food. When he's done it's all left on the counter until I throw it away a few days later.

His main food is pork chops. It takes him 4 hours to cook 1 pork chop. He turns the oven on 2 or 3 hours before he plans to use it. He cooks 1 pork chop at 400 for at least 2 hours. It is completely dried out and black. Sometimes he spaces out or falls asleep while cooking stuff. He always leaves a trail of spilled food from the kitchen, upstairs to his room.

Today I came home to an entire jar of pickled peppers spilled on the floor, I cleaned it up as Bob was too busy sitting on his ass. Last night the landlord came by again for Bob's past rent. Bob said he was starting a new job today and would have the money next week. "That's great news Bob, congratulations!" she said.

Bob spent today sitting on his ass, no job. He has another big evening planned tonight......Drinking beer, urinating and sitting on his ass.

My Sentence To Hell

Okay, here's the story thus far....This is the condensed version of my story up until the present day just to start off with. I've been living with Bob for about 4 1/2 years now. We had both previously been renting apartments in a triple decker house. Our apartment house was forclosed on and we both had to move. I found a house for rent not too far away but couldn't afford the rent on my own. For lack of anyone else, I asked Bob if he'd like to share it (mistake #1).....Now, I only knew Bob from seeing him in the hallway and such but he seemed like a quiet, easygoing person. I knew he was very slovenly, a bit spacey and an alcoholic, but I thought I could deal with that (mistake#2). I had to move in a hurry and with my 3 pets (2 cats, 1 dog) finding a place to rent isn't that easy.

So for the first couple of years things weren't too bad. Bob went to work during the day and would go to bed before 12:00 pm. He never cleaned anything in the house or did any of the yard work, he just sat in his room playing on his computer and drinking. I dealed with it..................................

So, fast forward to September 2004 and the nightmare begins. Bob goes completely looney, why I don't know. All of a sudden, Bob no longer sleeps. I'm being woken up at 3am with music blaring (our bedrooms are right next to each other), Bob is staggering around the house all night intoxicated. I'm finding him sleeping on the toilet at 5am. This goes on continuously, every night. He is still going to work each morning on 2 or 3 hours sleep. He starts napping after work at 6pm, waking up at 9 to start drinking 'til dawn. This continues 'til Feb. 2006 when Bob finally gets fired from his job of 10 years. His room at this point is filled, floor to ceiling, with rotting garbage, liquor bottles and beer cans ( I'll post pics of this later, not for the squeamish!)...........Now the real fun begins.........

From March 2006 til Aug. Bob collects unemployment. He now converts to a strict vampire routine. Goes to bed at sunrise, sleeps til sunset, drinks all night. His family supplements his meager unemployment checks so he can stay stocked up with booze and food this whole time. At this point, Bob is no longer doing anything but sitting in his room 24 hrs a day, only going out to get booze and food. He stopped paying the utility bills over a year ago. Our phone was shut off 4 times..........

Now for the present time. Bob never paid his rent last month. He is still staying in his room all day doing nothing. His unemployment ran out a month ago. His family is still keeping him stocked with liquor and food. Our gas service has been scheduled for shut-off for over a year now but they never shut it off. Our phone should be shut off again next week.

Stay tuned for more in depth stories of my roommate, the walking vegetable.. aka Count Drunkula.

Welcome To My Nightmare

This is the journal of my daily life sharing a house with the most moronic, disgusting, laziest person on earth. I will just refer to him here as 'Bob'. Come share in my nightmare.