Bob is very hard at work slammin beers and peeing at 15 minute intervals right now. Bob is obsessed with sitting and staring at his computer. This is his only activity outside of work. If food and beer were delivered to his chair each day, I believe he would remain sitting in the chair 24/7, the rest of his life until the coroner took him away.
Bob can't do his 5 hour oven bakes anymore because the oven is broken. It heats up to temperature, then shuts off, doesn't come back on. It's probably just the sensor inside is caked with grease as the oven has never been cleaned. Bob is too lazy and stupid to figure it out.
The space cadet spoke to me yesterday for the first time in several months. Around midnight he asked me where the can opener was. Two weeks ago, I packed away everything I owned that was in the kitchen. I don't think Bob has noticed this yet. I owned the can opener. I told Bob I haven't seen it lately, no response.. end of conversation.
When I moved in here I had a new set of pretty nice stainless untensils, they've all mostly disappeared now. They're probably buried in Bob's rat-hole room, I won't be looking for them. He ruined half of my cookware from burning stuff in it. Anything that was glass is now full of chips and permanently stained.